i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
