I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
