Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
