Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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