Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
