At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
