I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
