Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
