I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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