Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
