i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
