Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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