There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize