I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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