Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
