theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
