if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize