Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
