My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
