It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
