i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
