he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
someone owes me an orgasm
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
