I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We have started to decorate penises.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
