i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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