no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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