Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize