i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
