Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
