the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
