also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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