sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
