no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
