Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
