he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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