I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
