This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
