You're so nebulous sometimes
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
