but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
