I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
