...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
