it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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