you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
