I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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