Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
