he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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