You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
