Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Shame - the story of my life.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
