so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
