Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
