in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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