i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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