I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
