Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
