my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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