i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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