Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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