Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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