You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
