I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
