I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize