BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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