I can text with my tongue
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
