i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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