The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
