i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
