I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
