How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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