I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
