Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
