im about as happy as oj after his trial
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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