Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
