her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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