I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
